sat·ire [sat-ahyuhr] –noun
1. the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.
2. a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.
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Yep, I think that hit all the high points...
ReplyDeleteRight. Conflicting advice makes a mom NUTS! Follow your instincts, moms, you're usually right about your own baby!
ReplyDeleteLOL. So the ten million books I have on my shelf that sometimes contradict each other were to blame for my craziness this past year? LOL LOL....gotta laugh at the first year.
ReplyDeleteI kept poop, urine and sleep journal until my infant was, uh, 11 months old.
ReplyDeleteMy sister staged an intervention and threw the journal in the trash.
I couldn't breathe, yet felt oddly liberated.
As usual, full of awesomeness!
ReplyDeleteI think worst bit when my son was born was all the conflicting advice. It was enough to drive me nuts.
ReplyDeleteHa Ha Ha! Awesome!! You forgot Dr. Sears though!
ReplyDeleteI kept a "book of input and output". I logged everything that went into my child's mouth. Every time I changed her diaper and what was in it and what time she went to bed and woke up. I kept saying, when I have this figured out, I'll stop.....but then it was once she's eating some table foods I'll stop.......and then she was a year old and I was like "I BETTER STOP NOW!!"
ReplyDeleteThe first year for that first child makes everyone go crazy....please tell me that it DOES happen to everyone? If not in the charting everything form, SOME sort of way it happens to us all, right?
Nailed it.
ReplyDeleteWhen my daughter was born, there was an episode of Oprah with Naomi Wolf on it where she was discussing this very thing. Lively audience on that ep.
Oddly, that made my post-partum madness worse.
Oh - I just thought of another one for you: On one of my message boards a mom referred to a crib as "baby jail." She was an AP, family-bed, baby wearer. Not kidding.
Okay, I'm going to be the jerk and advocate journaling. I have 19 month old twins who were born 9 weeks early and have each come through various forms of delay and medical concerns. We are mostly just right at this point, and I'd like to keep things that way. I still keep a journal of eating and waste output, but my journal has also come to double as my memory book. At the beginning, with very small children, and very little sleep, it was a godsend to have it written down when the last time somebody pooped was. Now I am pleased that I have exact dates written down for the first tooth, the first smile, the first giggle, the first roll over, the first stand, etc. I will probably stop keeping a daily log after my current book (the fifth book I've used) is full, but I have absolutely valued it from 0-19 months.
ReplyDeleteI got the baby jail comments too. It just drives me nutso...why do some moms feel like the only way to validate their parenting choices is to invalidate everyone else's. Grrr
ReplyDeleteI have several mom friends that post continually on facebook articles that show how much better their choice is. I mean come on...it is 2010 -you can find an article that says anything on the internet..so just fess up..you do it your way because you like it and it resonates with you. Let me do the same!
Sorry to rant.
Been there. Can't anyone just give a new mom a hug and offer to hold the baby for a minute so she can go to the bathroom by herself?
ReplyDeleteOh great, so I'm going to get yelled at by perfect moms even more once my twins arrive? I just got yelled at by my best friend for posting a blog post about how I hate pink, don't understand why an infant needs clothing with Disney characters on it, and how I think my kids will be able to convert food into poo without the aid of a vibrating seat. The kids aren't even born yet and I'm already getting bitched at for not having a baby friendly attitude!
ReplyDeleteI wanted to punch everyone in the throat who told me not to worry or to relax.
ReplyDeletethe Woombie (or "baby straight jacket" as my parents rudely referred to it as) saved us for the first six months until we transitioned to baby jail. worst.parents.ever according to my mom. She told me to bathe my preterm newborn twice A DAY and then smother him in lotion and powder. When I refused and followed the pediatrician's rec for once every 3 days in unscented baby wash she told me my baby smells like piss and hasn't talked to us in six months. Becoming a parent makes you realize your own parents are just people (or in my case assholes) like everybody else.
ReplyDelete@Dee
ReplyDeleteNot a huge Dr. Sears fan. I forgot about the guy! :)
I have twins (they are 7 now) and the first 18 months or so was a total blur - one of the unexpected side effects of being run off my feet, crazy exhausted all that time was that I had no time to read or consider any parenting advice/prevailing trends/latest theories etc - we just did what we needed to to get through it day by day. We all seem to be ok, so it looks like a case of no harm done!
ReplyDeletetotaaly agree with jodi c.! "relax" was so frustrating!!! fave part: "i want to punch your face to the left of your smirk." hahaha!
ReplyDeleteSigh...Bliss...we are kindred spirits...I am not a fan of Dr. Sears either (although the vaccine book is handy) -that's why I was hoping to see him get the "mompetition" treatment! LOL!
ReplyDeleteA little scared that I followed all of the baby book references. ~slaps forehead~
ReplyDelete@Alex,
ReplyDeleteNo, you'll not get yelled at by perfect parents, you'll get the list of five questions, normally in this order:
1. Are they twins?
2. Are they identical?
3. Are you BFing?
4. How do you do it?
5. Better you than me/I have a cousin of a cousin that has triplets!!
@Alex & @Becky
ReplyDeleteSigh...it's true.
My twins are 10 months and I'm already at the point where I just don't care. I mean, I do care obviously, but if they only drink 20 oz today instead of the recommended 24-32 ... who cares!!
ReplyDeleteThis stuff does make you insane. :)
@Christy
ReplyDeleteMy daughter NEVER drank 24 oz of formula a day. Ever. 22 was her max ONE day. Most of the time it was 18-20. Now my son would put away close to 40 oz a day. They are both alive, well, and running around like monkeys as I type.
@Submommy
ReplyDeleteHey, I had one of those on one of my boards too. She proudly proclaimed that her kids were "cage free".
Still waiting for the return of funny.
ReplyDeleteNo matter what you're doing, it's wrong. I got yelled at the other day for not using a crib.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, I'm on my 4th kid. I think I know what I'm doing here.
By baby #4, you can shut people up by just saying, "He's my fourth."
I have twins, and I had no IDEA they were supposed to be drinking 24-32oz!
ReplyDeleteOh well,they are almost 2, so they don't drink formula any more anyway. They still sleep in their baby jails though.
Anyway, at the expectant twin moms, the journaling isn't that crazy---it actually helps you keep track of who ate when or pooped or whatever, 'cause you'll never remember if you don't write it down. I finally gave up the charting when the boys were 8mos old...really could have stopped long before that, but it had become a security blanket for me.
"Just to the left of your smirk." Been there!
ReplyDeleteDo you watch Parenthood? I almost cheered when Adam punched the jerk in the grocery store.
ps Elena, it's satire, not comedy. Satire is more about irony than humor. It is often funny, but not always. Sometimes it just makes you more aware.
ReplyDeleteOK this is definitely my favorite yet. "I think my head just exploded." lol
ReplyDelete