sat·ire [sat-ahyuhr] –noun
1. the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.
2. a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.

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Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Why I don't force my kids to do stuff.

(Please read the article above before continuing - click on it to get the full text)

Why I don't force my kids to do stuff.

Former sleeper Valerie Stone Hawthorne believes in allowing children to roam free on prairies and to pick their nose if it feels good.

By Valerie Stone Hawthorne, Ph.D., aka, Mompetition

I'm not going to stand on my soapbox here. By current medical guidelines and common sense, my kids are qualified to be adults in some countries. In fact, if this were 1920, they would both have jobs by now and support our family with their income. But this is 2011, things have come a long way and it's now time that we stop the madness that is "growing up." It seems that all parents out there are concerned for, wait for it: their child's development. To that, I say hooey and free-range hogwash.

Valerie Stone Hawthorne, Ph.D.
likes to sit in fields with flowers
So why do I not seek help when I'm possibly concerned there might be something developmentally delayed with my child? For the same reason I do not make them treat others with respect or use utensils at the dinner table. Confused yet? You should be, I'm smarter than you. Barring outstanding disease, like progeria or reverse Benjamin Button hypertrophy (RBBH), I see no reason to push children to grow up. I am so smart that I know my kids will eventually do stuff - I see the future and I am patient.  Infancy is a state of bliss! Food on demand, sleeping on demand, stealing others toys and passing gas with applause all make up the core foundation of what all parents should desire for their children. I believe in allowing our children the freedom to make all decisions for themselves. Children, like adults (in fact probably better than you), are capable of making all socially acceptable decisions. Why would I be concerned if my kid is behind every other kid I meet, who would be alarmed at that?  People not as smart as me I me Valerie Stone Hawthorne, Ph.D.

Although the "delays" my children display can be markers for spoiled bratitis and perpetual infant disorders, I trust my intuition and trust our pediatrician (who tells me exactly what I want to hear, which is why we chose him). Just because I obtained my doctorate in cancer biology would not mean I'd be concerned if my son appeared lethargic and had night sweats. Confused yet? Of course you are. Seeking help only proves my point that you are not as intuitively equipped as I am to raise your children.

We have no daycare, social or kindergarten standards to meet (my kids eat dirt), no one to impress (which is why I keep putting my methods out there) and we have nothing to be ashamed of (except my hair style in the early nineties; whoa!). My kids are fine. You may not think so, but you are wrong. Confused yet? You are still wrong.

Here are some other things I hate to force kids to do, and by kids I mean ALL kids, even yours.

Share. I go bizonkers when I am at the park with my kids.  Parents are trying to teach their children stuff, suggesting to them it would be nice to share toys. Here’s my beef: when my kid is done with that toy, he'll throw it on the ground, your kid can then pick it up and play with it, but most likely they won't because my kids toys are sticks and feathers and your kids are too dumb to know their beauty (Being a Ph.D. allows you to write run-on sentences). If your kid is not done with a toy, my kid can go ahead and wait, even if they will throw a hissyfit about it. Hissyfits are adorable and each one should be cherished and memorialized. It’s my job as a parent to sit back and watch them act like the little brats they are.  Who needs guidance?  Stepping in to intervene and teach my kid the joys of sharing will only lead to further parenting later on. It's important to teach this from infancy. Allowing a child to keep whatever he wants (my nipple) and throw a fit about things he does not get (a 15th nursing session at night) teaches him that we are all on this Earth to serve his needs. Isn't that what childhood is about?!?  Confused yet? Ok, I'll dumb it down. Children are the end all be all in a healthy adult lifestyle. Wanting to re-direct their thoughts only serves your own purpose of civility. My husband and I learned this philosophy from an amazing educator called blu-ray edition Planet Earth. You want something, you take it. Not forcing sharing lets children know that they get to decide what they want, such as choosing not to sit at the dinner table with family or exploring the cat box.

Be Polite. In much the same way you hope your children grow up to become clones of yourself, you should also make sure you do not force them to be polite with anyone. Polite is for fancy schmancy society and it's more important that a child's ego does not get bruised because you force a "thank you" when handing him a strip of organic soy jerky. My husband and I practice "please" and "thank you", and we hope that in time, perhaps by middle school our children will copy us exactly without being forced to do so. When I want my husband to help out with the dishes, asking, "Would you please mind terribly getting up off your ass and cleaning up this mess, thank you" we are modeling manners. Politely asking, "Honey, do you mind leaving our family nest bed so that our little darlings can stretch out more, thank you," not only reinforces manners but teaches our children that no adults come before them and their needs. There was one and only one time, I almost made a tragic parenting error. Confused yet? I know, I'm perfect. But, at a birthday party when family members clearly expected a “thank you” for my son's new do-it-yourself flower preserving kit, I almost whispered, “Say thank you!", in his precious perfect ear. Think of the damage I could have done! He would have conformed to a social normality and what's next, making him do thank you cards?

Excel. Just because your child starts to branch out and show interest in things does not mean you should foster that need.  Your child's main focus should always be you.  Yes, you can teach your 8 or 9 year old to recite alphabets, learn colors, shapes and the Rain Dance of Zuni, but is this really what a child needs?!? Look, I’m not saying it's unnatural to want your kids to learn things, but come on does a 3 year old really need to know basic communication? Our educational system expects our children to know certain things by certain ages in order to build upon knowledge. Confused yet? I'll type slow. Childhood is so precious that we should take our children and place them in a little glass bubble of happiness. Letting children develop on their own time frame is what parenthood is all about. If my son showed an interest in golf or acting, do you think I'd start teaching him a proper hand grip or how to speak? Hells no. Allowing my children to just roam in a yellow corn field obviously should work for you too. I mean, that is why I'm writing this, validation of my choices, hit Like won't you?  People at the Solstice Festival are often a little concerned that my son runs about freely, uttering no "excuse me's", while stealing other kids' food. And that's ok, what they don't know is that inside he is a special, gentle and unique creature that is better than your kid. The fact that my kids don't know Elmo from Diego further shows you I do not allow my children to watch television. Confused yet? You're lazy.

I have heard through my homing pigeons that there are people out there that force children to conform to society or start on the path to adulthood. What they don't realize is that they are laying a path for future foundational independence. Teaching a child the skills to function independently from yourself will cause them to grow up and leave you. Confused yet? Your child is a monkey. My insecure thoughts tell me I have heard people say, that providing boundaries, structure and routine will lead to a polite and developing independent 3 year old. Who needs that, let them be polite when they want to and when they finally figure it out for themselves, who cares what others think.  You wouldn't give your teenager a curfew would you? Or demand good grades while paying for your child's college?

Yes, I am a bit cerebral about parenting, I have to be - I'm a doctor. Using words like cerebral instead of I think a lot, show you that. Just think, if my parents had supported my interests, taught me things or had expectations you wouldn't be privy to my superior advice. For many reasons, which I won't go into, I believe in child-centered worshipping parenting. Why are we on this earth but to make babies and give up our own lives and thoughts? It doesn’t make me better than you, it just makes it seem that way. Confused yet?

Valerie Stone Hawthorne starred on the internet and currently appears in her bathrobe. She earned a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology and Cell Biology in 2006, and wrote her thesis on chemotherapeutic resistance to breast cancer, which obviously qualifies her to write blogs about parenting your children. Hawthorne is writing out a check to her kids pre-school so she can grocery shop in peace.  She has boy/girl twins, aged 2.75 years. She is currently blogging at and thanks SPW for turning her on to this.


  1. I agree whole-heartedly. It's all about what your child needs on an individual basis. If they need reminders then do that. If they need structure than give it. If they need none of it from you or respond to nothing from you (ex: my son who listens to NOTHING I say to him if it involves conceptualizing) then find someone or somewhere to take them that they do respond. Cookie cutting each and every child only hinders proper secure/mature growth in both you, the parent, and your child.

  2. Dammit! I knew I screwed up today when I praised my child for saying hi to another little girl instead of hiding behind my legs...

    I'll tell you what - if someone had done some evaluations on my sister when she wasn't talking until age 3, maybe they would have figured out that she was nuts much earlier, which would have made my teenage years much more pleasant. (Look! I only have a B.S. and I can write a mean run-on sentence!)

  3. That was the best thing ever! I guess I should stop teaching my son not to grab other people's food. :)

  4. THANK YOU... Her article gave me heart burn and your response made my night. I admit I read her article twice because I thought for a moment I had lost my mind. I kept thinking did she just say that our world should be our children? The next time my daughter throws a temper tantrum I will make sure I kiss her feet and enjoy her healthy expression of emotion. Then we will fly away on a cloud with rainbows and unicorns.

  5. I wonder what Mayim thinks about spanking? Should I stop the dance classes and sign language classes I take my daughter too? I don't have a doctorate but I do have a BA in Child Development and for some reason I think I am doing okay as a mom, I guess I was wrong =). I do wonder how many people will understand Valerie's satire and sarcasm though...

    1. I laughed myself silly at Valerie's comments!! I, too, wonder how many people will truly understand her brilliant barbs.
      What a delightful read!

  6. Hey I'm all about averages...but I don't tolerate delays :) and forget the whole therapy bombardment before the age of 5 when brains soak up everything under the sun....ignore that window of opportunity....heck what do I know?!

    M.S. CCC/Speech Language Pathology
    aka....that damn speech therapist doing early intervention :)

  7. So very nice to have a good chuckle before I go to bed! This was really witty and clever.

  8. Excellent reply post. As a mum with a severely developmentally delayed child who has autism, I was disturbed by her "advice" and "insights". I found myself semi-agreeing with some of her sentiments, but even crazy people say sane things sometimes. I'm glad you gave it the respect it deserved, well done.

    (I could add in my own letters if that makes me more important: LLB(Hons) BA (Hons).)

  9. @autismandoughtisms

    I think you should totally add letters after your name...:)

  10. Whoa...I get that it's supposed to be funny, but think this does veer into some mean-spirited stuff. Mayim Bialik's brand of parenting isn't really my cup of tea, either, but I respect her for being an advocate for parental autonomy. If you haven't heard it, I'd encourage you to take a listen to the interview Mayim Bialik did on The Parent Experiment
    Maybe you'll still feel like she's a blow-hard worthy of parody, but maybe not.

  11. Thank you for writing this!! I love it...
    Oh, and my son has autism and I also believe there is nothing "wrong" with him. Funny how that works.

  12. Yup. Nailed it. Why have I been trying to keep my son out of the candy jar and feeding him broccoli? Moreover, why do I child proof the house? or teach him to look both ways before crossing the street?And why bring my son to the gym or buy him crayons? When he wants that stuff, he'll go and get it himself (he's 2).

  13. Perfect reply. Yeah: manners and sharing are overrated. As a former Montessori teacher, I couldn't agree less. Little monsters are no fun at all. Children can be free-spirited, but up to a point. They need to be able to function in society. Don't get me started on home-schooling either (just my opinion). Thanks again- great contrasts!

  14. That was effing awesome. When her article came out, I wanted to puke. Sure we all parent different ways and if that way works for them, great, but if she is going to write an article like that, then expect derision. Lots of it.

  15. I've decided being grown-up is hard. I've turned it all over to my 13-y-o.


  16. @Jamie Ball
    JB - I totally agree that modeling is an excellent way to parent, in fact I can agree or at least see the benefits of her style. However, the humor from her article does not come fully from the content, it's the style. Condescension bled from her lines. She called kids monkeys, come on. Once I read her second paragraph I laughed the whole rest of the way through. It's less to do about her own personal beliefs and more to do about the ridiculousness that has become "parenting articles" and flag waving extremism. One size fits all superior parenting guidelines deserve a chuckle.

  17. OH my goodness! At first I didn't quite get the sarcasm! I thought you had really written the article and that you really were claiming that you were perfect and that we are all dumb! (hey, I don't have a Ph.D.- I taught Kindergarten and 2nd Grade for a few years...give me a break!)

    After I realized that it was your own take on the first article, I couldn't stop laughing. You put into words exactly what I was thinking when I was reading the first article! Great job!

  18. I love you. I know it says we cannot be friends, but can we?? Please?

    It's unfortunate that I love her character on The Big Bang Theory so much.

    Here's why I love you: In Real Life, I have many friends who choose to parent differently than i do, and many who have similar styles. That is great! We get along great! We can discuss problems and understand why each is doing the things she;s doing. MAIN POINT: We don't judge one another. We don't pull on the "My kid is better than your because I cloth diaper, feed him only organic and drink free trade coffee" (honestly, had another mom say that to me). Well, EFF YOU I'm better than you because I don't even DRINK coffee!! HA!
    It's not Bialik's method...whatever works for your family is great. It's her holier than thou attitude! If I could do those things..I would. I have no patience for nonsense and bullshit. I wish I had more patience and could be more "loving" and "understanding". Sorry. Just do what i say kid and no one will get hurt.

  19. "Stepping in to intervene and teach my kid the joys of sharing will only lead to further parenting later on."

    And this is why I love you. Seriously, can't we be friends? :)

  20. @Marie
    OH, and I have no letters because I got pregnant with my second and was due to have him in the middle of student teaching. The University I went to was less than helpful and I couldn't put 2 kids in daycare while not working. SO I did all the work and gots no letters y'all. Didn't matter anyway, no teaching jobs in my state!

  21. This is the greatest piece of work to come forth from your fingers.

    You know the sad part? I fell for parts of it. What the hell is the matter with me?

    Thank you for reminding me I am the Momma. Maybe next time Toddlerina tells me to sit on the floor when she is on the couch I will think twice before jumping off just so I can see her smile... probably not, but she still has to say please for a cookie.

  22. @Mompetition
    I see your point. When the satire is directed at an anonymous composite of crazy, that's one thing, but even with her celebrity status and presumed thick skin that comes with it, Mayim Bialik is a real person with real feelings. I think mocking her kinda sucks. Also, the fact that many of your readers couldn't tell whether you were serious or joking indicates that you didn't quite hit the mark. Just sayin'.

  23. @Jamie
    Jamie-if she gets her feelings hurt, she can contact me, she's a big girl. It takes a lot of huevos to say what you want to say in front of everyone, me included.
    Also, I am unaware that "many" of my readers were clueless to my writing style, please enlighten me.

  24. @Jamie
    and in a completely off related comment, where did you get those glasses in your profile pic. I need a new pair and would like to go with that style. All the other ones I try on make my face disappear...

  25. So I'm going to quit teaching my 2 year old to say please and thank you. When my MIL protests, I will refer her to the Mayim article and watch her head explode. Should be good times.

    Ok, of course I don't really want my MILs head to explode...but we are allowed to have our fantasies. ;)

  26. Amen!

    I want to be in the congregation at any place you preach (which would likely mean a church, but since I do not believe in God, I'd have to make an exception, which to hear you preach, would do).

  27. YOU are a genius!!!!
    As the mother of twin boys who are delayed in expressive language I am proud of the fact I reached out for an eval when they were only 18 months...I did not do it because I feared they didn't excel...Rather I wanted to be pro-active in case there was something to be worried about down the line...

  28. Ahhhh... I think I have found my people! We really can't be friends? Really? "Toddlerina" is my new word.

    Being independant is a great thing. I sometimes ask my 8 year old what he wants for dinner because I am too unmotivated to decide. But that doesn't mean that if he chooses mac n cheese I don't make broccoli too. Its just a couple minutes in the micro (oh damn, I just exposed myself as a frozen vegetable-buyer).

    I work in child- adolescent psych sometimes and it never occured to me that there might be some parents who would be irked that I make their kids say please and thank you when I fetch things for them. I can't help it, my kids do/did montessori for preschool (so I could go shopping in peace among other things) and the the please/thank you/no thank you becomes ingrained. Like I said I work in psych, and the first time I got hit I blurted out "No THANK you". Oh wait. I suppose that makes me a monkey. Well at least I didnt hit the severely mentally ill person back.

    So yeah, if the kids at work want me to fetch, I'm still going to insist on please and thank you just like I do with my own. Oh, and Valerie, you're fan-FREAKIN-tastic.

  29. This made my whole day! So funny! You deserve an award for your writing. Thanks for sharing!

  30. The part that struck me as the most amusingly condescending was the Dora/Spongebob reference. Which clearly had so much to do with forced early learning of the alphabet and colors and was not at all intended as a dig to parents who allow their children to watch TV. I love that allowing children to watch TV warrants only an accusatory inference, whereas teaching the alphabet and colors requires direct attack.
    -BS Biomedical Engineering (I'm hoping that the area of study compensates for the lack of letters)

  31. My sister linked this to me and I was suddenly scared when I saw MB at the top of the page. Having encountered her essays in other spots along the internet superhighway... I had good reason to go eep.

    Love your post. Love the satire. As a certified cerebral person myself, I really wish she'd stop waving her PhD around. And when someone becomes a spokesperson for a very VERY particular type of parenting, they do open themselves up for mocking. Especially when they are oh-so-mockable. Despite all that she writes, she is pushing ideas and judging others. She does think that she is over-thinking it but she wants praise for that. She is smug and self-congratulating.

    *blah* I really wish she'd stop writing about parenting. It mucks up my watching of Big Bang Theory.

  32. Oh, Mompetition. I know "we cannot be friends" and all that, but damn do I think you're one amazing chica.

    All I could think when reading her goddamn awful post was that there is a difference between letting your children learn at their own pace, and letting them learn at YOUR pace. She said in her first blog about being an attachment parent that she believes in "wearing" your children - as often as possible, as much as possible.

    Common sense (as well as my degree in psychology) suggests to me that perhaps carrying your child around everywhere is the reason he didn't walk until he was 17 months old. Or roll over until he was a year old.

    GAH! I hate extreme parenting!!!! I believe in letting kids be kids while teaching them the things they need to know in order to be good, responsible, independent adults. I just can't imagine purposely hindering my kid's development and then justifying that hindrance - calling it child-centered anything!

    The balls! The BALLS OF BLOSSOM!!!

  33. Indeed, huevos...I've tried many, many times to say something unsanctimonious about parenting and I'm convinced it's kinda's just too close to our hearts and it ends up sounding sappy or preachy. I give you mad props for putting this out there, it takes courage for sure, but I think it's a lot easier to be sacrastic and cynical than it is to be sincere. Again, just sayin'.

    Anyhoo, I just noted in a few other readers' comments that they seemed to have a bit of difficulty in distinguishing your humor in this piece from your actual opinions...I'll acknowledge it took me a second to figure that this was supposed to be a joke. I guess you were going for a bit a subtlty, which is cool, but a teensy bit confusing.

    And the glasses...those were DKNY from about 4 years ago...right off the rack at LensCrafters, fo realz. I actually got some spiffy new neo cat eye frames last week...they're the bee's knees.

    And I'll claim my letters too, since that's what all the cool kids are doing...B.A., M.A., J.D.

  34. BWAHAHAHA!!! Ten kinds of awesome. You have a great sense of humor. You know, I like her but even I thought she gave AP a really, really bad name. Now they think we are all finger-pointing loonies again. Sheesh.

  35. LOVE LOVE LOVE!! You're a riot!

    Everyone knows that children are hideous ungrateful creatures (I say this with love) and if they weren't so flippin' cute we'd leave them out in the woods to fen for themselves. If we don't teach them to be less annoying, who will?

    Sincerely hoping Blossom and her PHD are looking forward to teenagers who burp in restaurants and chew with their mouths open (after she has hand-fed them). I am sure it will be charming. Personally, I love nothing more than buying dinner for a fresh, rude kid.

  36. @DixieLaurel

    Hey today I got involved in a heated debate (although it didn't turn horrifically ugly) about the right way to put tights on a girl/older infant/toddler.

    Now that was pure awesomeness ;)

  37. Gosh, I guess my parents were horrible for sending me to speech class when I couldn't say my R's, T's, or L's by first grade. And now it is even doubly worse that my son has the same problem and I started him out in speech in 3k so that he doesn't have to miss school and be embarrassed as I was. We have a generational problem of bad parenting in our family. Too bad our eventual educational and professional accomplishments are so low.
    SCHokieGirl, CPA, Ph.D. (accounting)

  38. Love this. Not only is it a good response to the piece but it's a great parody of a few parents I know.

  39. @Jamie Ball
    WHY can't I find pairs like that at regular optical stores. They look ridiculous on me. I tried on one pair that I loved and the lady looked at me and said, ma'am those are children's frames. My big ol' Rx wouldn't fit in them anyway.

  40. pure soy jerky...too funny
    i am grateful i had my kids a teen mom. YEAH, I did. I was too young, stupid,and naive,to adhere to any parenting method. You just DO IT.
    they are now 30 and 28.responsible, prodtive adults.
    Thats all we can hope for right?
    oh, please forgive spelling errors, its my computer,not my lack of education or intelligence............

  41. oh god,,i just realized i have the same initils as me,, i am soooo not her

  42. Crossing out "yellow" was a particular... wait for it... stroke of brilliance.

    And now I *need* to know the many controversial methods of putting on tights!

  43. she does come across as sanctimonious, which is sad b/c i really like her stuff on extended breastfeeding, but i think it is because she is really defensive (run-on sentence!). i have a feeling that she has been hearing for years what a bad parent she is for not getting her children services (i definitely would have gotten my children evaluated) or for not telling them to say "please" or "thank you". unfortunately, this article and tone only serve to make it sound like she thinks everyone else is the bad parent. again, defensive.

    my letters: b.a., m.a., a.b.d. in history (hope to be ph.d. by dec. 2012!)

  44. @Elizabeth
    Lots of luck on your dissertation! Have you done your quals yet?

  45. yup - finishing up research and about a quarter into writing. not easy to do with a toddler, but it will get done! :)

  46. "...the fact that many of your readers couldn't tell whether you were serious or joking indicates that you didn't quite hit the mark."

    Ugh. Please, please, please do not try to write for the lowest common denominator. I like you just the way you are.

  47. Dadversairies SusanMarch 3, 2011 at 9:15 PM

    Loved your version!

    Here is my theory... she is very sensitive about the delays and this is her way to fight back against those moms who are at the other extreme (you know the ones... who over worry about every little milestone and or brag about how their genius child reached them early, etc).

    My oldest had a severe speech delay and he did therapy from 2 - 3.5 and I was quite sensitive about it at the time. He was my first and it shattered my BIAWM ideal that I was going to be this perfect parent with a perfect kid. Hah! So on some level I do relate to her... but did not like her style at all. I did have concerns that something was wrong and took action.

    I think of all the topics, the one that got me the most was the sharing bit. I cannot imagine my household if we didn't encourage/teach/FORCE sharing!

    Oh and my letters are B.S. Physics and M.S. Materials Science Engineering. Bazinga!!! Oh and my 27mo daughter can tell you the name of every planet in our solar system, in order, and that poor pluto is not a planet anymore. Not much value in that, but it's cute and fun and it's what she's interested in!

  48. I choose version b) - satirical awesomeness.

    Oh, and she's full of crap.

  49. Children survive (in spite of, because of) us.

    Choose your prepositional phrase (or adverbial clause) wisely.

    Meh. It's all about balance. Besides that, I'm not outlining my stance on anything in a comment section full of moms. My oldest is nearing 11 years of age. I've almost learned my lesson to keep my mouth shut around the women-folk! ;)

    Enjoyed the post, though! LOL

  50. WHOA!

    Am I seriously the first one to make a Blossom joke?

    Karen Baum, LOL, LMAO, FTW (Blogology)

  51. so, when these "special" kids grow up and their parents are old and infirm, who will step up? Not the kids, I can guarantee it...they are the ones with the sense of entitlement. I do not understand how parents can feel that raising kids as selfish, entitled, and rude will lead to these same kids as being independent and employable in life! I certainly wouldn't want any of them working for me!

    Oh, I almost forgot my initals B.A., M.A., M.S. Certified 6-Sigma Black Belt....Education, counseling, engineering, engineering in that order ;-).

  52. Dadversairies SusanMarch 4, 2011 at 10:43 AM


    Hey! I'm a Certified 6-Sigma Green Belt. Black Belt is in progress!

  53. Loved it.

    I'm probably in-between interventionist and let-them-develop. It doesn't change the fact that her article was insufferable!

  54. This is AWESOME! JLK from Pieces of Me left a comment on my blog to check yours out. I just wrote a similar post about Blossom's latest idiocy.

  55. @DannieA
    DannieA - I am so going to abuse your Speech Therapy brain for a moment -

    One of my twins (4 months) is tongue tied. Our pediatrician says not to worry about it because it's not affecting her eating and to wait to see if it affects her speech. Isn't that...too late? I want it clipped but I need a referral for insurance purposes. I love our pediatrician except for this one thing. What is your opinion?

  56. @The Real Life of a Red Head
    I did the same thing! I was like, "This lady is a b&$%#@ for talking (read: typing) like that!" wee little brain turned on. Duh.

  57. @Heather, LOL, If I EVER sounded like that for real...I hope ALL of you would come find me, knock on my door, and punch me in the face.

  58. In this world of new age parenting, I find it so refreshing to see that there are others out there who believe in a more traditional approach. Kids sre supposed to get dirty, play rough, and eat junk every now and then. My job is to be their mom, not their play buddy, or sole source of entertainment. Discipline is good, tv is ok especially if it gives me five minutes to go to the bathroom, brush my teeth or stare into space. In short I love your bog and all your videos. I

  59. Wait, I'm still not sure if I am putting my daughters tights on right? Thank god for BabyLegs...

  60. I can't understand why Blossom proclaims to be so 'anti-convention' yet she did that show "What Not to Wear"? Or some show that was similar....

  61. Let me say FIRST that your post is hilarious and awesome. As satire - I love it.

    But the more I thought about Mayim's silly blog the more I started to feel a creeping paranoia. Why would Today put her article on their site? Did they really think their audience would relate? I am suspicious. I think that they were purposely throwing chum in the water. Big Media LOVES to stir the mommy wars up over and over and that makes me sour.

    But your response is still funny. So I'm torn.

  62. @ Dave and Heather -

    I'm not a speech therapist, but my daughter was born tongue tied as well...runs in the family, my sister in law was also. the frenulum extended right to the tip and she could not extend her tongue past the gum line. We had hers snipped when she was a week old in order to try to solve breast feeding issues (it didn't work)...we too had to be referred to an ear nose and throat specialist but honestly, after seeing it done, i don't understand why my midwife or family doctor couldn't do it. all they did was take a little pair of surgical scissors and snip. didn't cry, not a drop of blood. took longer to get her out of her car seat...there really was no downside.

    and that was all she needed. if you look close you can still see a little divet at the end of her tongue where it was attached and perhaps her tongue won't stick out as far as some other kids but she's 4 now and speaks very clearly, has had absolutely no speech or other issues.

    hope that helps and would be curious to hear what DannieA has to say about it....


  63. Aw. I usually find this site funny, but this just makes me sad. The reply is so much more sanctimonious and belittling than the original post that I can't even figure out what triggered its vehemence. I see Mayim's post as not about telling how you should parent, but about trusting your instincts, accepting your own parent style, and not feeling bad when other people tell you to do it differently.

    And isn't that what this site is about?

  64. Pure hilarity!!!

    I got the satire attached to your response, and I'm pregnant with twins!!! I can't remember to brush my hair anymore and I got it.

    I'll tell you what, I WILL be forcing my kids to say please and thank you.

  65. @Anonymous
    It's supposed to be sanctimonious, belittling and vehement. Please see definition of Satire at top of page and google "tongue in cheek".

  66. I just stumbled on you blog by the way of YouTube. I love this article! So funny. I love your humor!

  67. I love it!!! Those are the little snowflakes who will go into college and the workforce and expect to not have deadlines or actually show up on time. I feel like it's okay to judge back if I feel judged because I enforce limits and make my kids say please and thank you.

    My letters- B.S., M ed (5th grade teacher and seeing more and more entitlement every year)

  68. @Erin
    It's true. The "mommy wars" is a huge marketing agent for every media.
    My dream is that by making fun of the mommy wars, when "news" medias try to stir the pot with crap like MB's article, moms will start by rolling their eyes, then clicking "next", followed by tossing cheetos at their kids, guilt free.

  69. Works for me Dr. Hawthorne! Mmm cheetos.

  70. I love this;) I think it's great that Mayim has her own views on life - but telling the mom's of america that their kids don't have to share? that's just silly. lord - I could go on and on and on...

    Thanks for making me giggle;)

  71. Being a murderer is "generally what worked for Charles Manson", however, it didn't really work for the rest of society so the rest of us needed to step up and fix his issues by locking him away.

    I do hope the people around Mayims kids have the same strength to stand up to them and say "you *will* do this because it's what works for society, not just you." Modeling behaviour works only if the kids are paying attention and look to their parents as leaders. Otherwise, she's just raising kids with spoiled bratitis as you've so eloquently pointed out.

  72. She wrote another one :

  73. I wonder if Charlie Sheen's parents followed Mayim's parenting methods? Becuase I have to believe that is the only kind of child than can come from really following her methods. What I find really amazing is that while on the one hand she is so all about protecting the child's feelings and never telling a child what to do, she is still in favor of children in show business(I've read some of her articles on this topic). So on the one hand, you can't tell a child to stop picking his nose in a restaurant, but on the other hand it's OK for perfect strangers to boss your kids around on a set or fire him for not being the right size/shape? Pick a side, girl. Either you want your child to live in a bubble wrapped world OR you want your child to face constant critique and rejection. Which one? I can't stand that.

    You know what really ticks me off about this article? I thought her self-involved, better-than-everyone attitude on Big Bang was good acting. now I see that it's just her being herself! Bummer. I LOVE that show.

  74. That is the BEST retort I have ever read. You are a very talented writer and obviously great mother. Love this!

  75. From Aleah, RN, BSN: my "educated analysis" - FUNNY SHIT! Just happened to wander onto here today; glad I did :)

  76. Ok- This is a FUN read- But surely it is meant to be taken as funny- like Erma Bombeck's writing!!!!

  77. The first was fun. The second was just ridiculous. I couldn't even get through the entire piece of junk. The fact that she is a doctor, has no merit here. She memorized facts that she read in a book and took a test. That doesn't validate her ridiculous point of view. One has nothing to do with the other. The fact that she just keeps tossing her degree in there tells me she's not at all comfortable with her own decisions...

  78. I thought you were hilarious. I want my kids to be their own people but they will behave and act like someone decent in public for as long as I am raising them. Keep up the good work.

  79. OK, so I couldn't read MB's entire article because our lovely computers here at work block that site (hence, my Anonymous signature.) So I just went ahead with yours and almost fell out of my chair - because I thought you were being serious. But, then I thought how in the world could a human being think these things?? And I then it clicked...

    I found MB's article somewhere else online (suck it, my company), re-read yours and now want to pass this along to every mom (with a few exceptions) I know!!

    Happy Thursday to me :)

  80. Today my 2.5 year-old son told me a 5 minute dissertation about his day at daycare including a detailed description about how he could not pick up his red shovel because of his big mittens. I am full-on proud of that little guy for realsies. I'm not saying that he's better than any other kid his age, but I'm glad I worked on words with him because, let me tell you, he really really wanted to tell me about his day.

    Oh, and to close off his monologue, he told me, "Crayons don't work on my penis." So there you go, he learned something new at daycare too!

    I don't think we should pressure them to excel, but I absolutely think we should celebrate it. That's just me.

  81. @Anonymous: I'm confused. Are you saying the first article posted was a good read? And the second one was not a good read? Because if you are, you're missing the point. The first article was written by an actress with a Ph.D. who is also a mother. The second was written as a snarky response using heavy satire to make fun of the first one.

  82. I love you VSH, but in a non-creepy, non stalkery sort of way. Your blog and video's sum up my mom expirience so far. I love that you are doing what you are doing and are not going to apologise.

  83. AMAZING!
    Was just sent this link today.
    Love it.


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